


christopher sometimes

by pendragonpants



Series: Burnt Out From The Joy Ride [1]
Category: Endeavour (TV)
Genre: Episode: s04e02 Canticle, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Recovery, that's just for nick's flashback in a later chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27503458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendragonpants/pseuds/pendragonpants
Summary: After finding Nick, Christopher spends most of his time caring for him. Will he be the key to solving the case and helping Nick recover?
Relationships: Nick Wilding/Christopher Clark
Series: Burnt Out From The Joy Ride [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2029399
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, I'm back with another Endeavour fanfic! I have so much planned for these two and h/c and fluff are my weaknesses so obviously, it has to be incorporated into the fic.
> 
> Changes to take note of:
> 
> \- Anna-Britt is married to Lee, not Christopher. This just makes it easier for Nick and Chris to get together
> 
> \- Morse will discover it is Emma who dosed Nick differently, meaning no Morse whump (sorry)

Nick was missing, oh God, Nick was missing. Horror and grief tore through Christopher’s heart and his hands shook as he held the flashlight, the fluorescent beams quivering with it. The band hadn’t been gone for long, how could Nick have disappeared? Where would he have gone and why would he leave? Maybe someone took him? 

Christopher’s thoughts were of no consolation and did nothing to comfort him but to frighten him even more. The redheaded officer had come back to look for him and Christopher was sure he’d find Nick. He trusted that man even though he barely knew him.

Please keep Nick safe, please. Christopher muttered under his breath every few moments, praying for a miracle. Ken was panicking, obviously distraught and who could blame him? Christopher couldn’t bear to lose Nick and neither could Ken and Lee. 

Christopher stopped for a moment, grabbing Ken by the shoulders and looking at him dead in the eye.

“Ken, we’re going to find him. We’re going to find Nick.”

He did his best to sound confident and strong for Ken but the quaver in his voice and sparkle of glistening tears weakened the impact.

“Yeah. Yeah, we will.” 

The wooden rowboat started to drift back to shore and this time, there were three people in the boat. Oh my God, they’d found Nick! Everyone sprinted towards them and unfortunately, Christopher’s relief was short-lived.

Nick was dishevelled but looked unharmed and Christopher was about to get on his knees and cry out in joy but the moment Nick looked up at them, he realised something was terribly wrong. He didn’t seem to recognise any of them and the wails that escaped him broke his heart. What had happened?

Ken seemed to have lost it, hot tears streaking down his face as he reached out for his brother and Christopher held him back, hugging him tightly and slowly letting him go after he had calmed down. Lee helped him get back up to his feet and they hurried after the officers and Nick, none of them was willing to take their eyes off Nick again.

*

Nick struggled and writhed like he was in agony as he lay down on the bed and the band watched him anxiously. Dr Bakshi examined him carefully, shining a torch into Nick’s wide blue eyes before pausing.

“What’s wrong with him? Tell me!” Ken had lost his patience but Dr Bakshi remained calm and collected in his response.

“My diagnosis is that he has been given a large dose of lysergic acid diethylamide, otherwise known as LSD. It produces extreme visual and auditory hallucinations so if you could keep your volume down…”

The three band members turned to face the girls with frowns. Ken was seething and understandably so. They’d all had their fair share of pot but none of them had access to chemicals like this! It had to be one of the girls. There was no one else who could have done it...but was there?

“Which one of you dosed him eh? Was it you Emma? You’re the one always encouraging Nick to do stupid shit!”

“I didn’t do anything!” Emma pleaded but Ken sent them away, unwilling to listen to their protests.

“What do we do?” Lee asked.

“The main thing he needs is a calm environment, a quiet, dark room, and someone to stay with him. That is all I can do for now.”

Christopher got up and said he’d do the first shift. Ken needed some rest and to calm himself down if he was to help Nick. It was no good having someone who was angry and stressed.

“I’ll take care of him, don’t you worry about it. I won’t take my eyes off of him for a second.”

Ken nodded gratefully and walked away with Lee. Christopher picked up the wet cloth and began to sponge Nick’s forehead and face, wiping away the sweat and tears that had accumulated.

The poor man was mumbling to himself, random unintelligible words leaving his lips and fists clutching the sheets. Every movement of his was spasmodic and Christopher could tell that he was in pain based on the soft whimpering and silent sobs.

“You’ll be alright, we’re here for you.”

Christopher held his hand, gently suppressing the tremors of the other man’s fingers and he stroked his thumb over the back of his hand, doing his best to calm him.

“Nick, remember that day when we went to look for mushrooms? Well, I know we’d do that every day but there was that Friday afternoon when you’d thought you spotted one and ran towards it, only to trip and roll down the small hill? You were covered in leaves and soil and you had nicked your elbow. You’ve still got that scar right here.”

Nick didn’t respond but Christopher had this warm feeling in his gut. Being reminded of his experiences with Nick was certainly fun and sparked a sense of longing. The past few years had been difficult for all of them and the band had enough ups and downs to last them a lifetime. Nick didn’t deserve any of this.

Christopher had barely noticed how fast time passed and when Ken stood in the doorway, ready to take over, he didn’t want to go yet.

“His condition hasn’t changed a lot but he’s more peaceful than he was before,” Christopher told Ken.

“Hopefully his temperature has gone down a bit. He’s still quite warm.”

“Thanks, mate. I truly appreciate it. Now go get some sleep, you need it.”

As Christopher stood up to leave, he could have sworn the grip on his hand tightened but that was probably just his imagination. Nick wasn’t aware of his surroundings, he didn’t know Christopher was there, let alone know he was holding his hand.

He whispered goodbye to Nick and left the room feeling empty and desolate.

He sat in his bed, staring into the darkness for a very long time. It was too quiet outside, too serene and the stars didn’t deserve to shine on a night like this. Christopher wasn’t sure what he was feeling at that moment. 

It was a mixture of anger, jealousy, pining, pain and love? That was strange. He’d never _loved_ anyone before but with Nick, something was different. Maybe it was the jokes that Nick made about his sexuality that made him question it.

_“Chris, would you kiss me if I paid you one hundred pounds?”_

_“I wouldn’t kiss you if you paid me a million.”_

_The band burst out laughing and Christopher took a swig of beer, smiling at Nick while he did so. What a silly suggestion._

It wasn’t just that one time. The topic of homosexuality had come up multiple times during their conversations after they stepped foot into Oxford and crossed paths with that toad of a woman.

_“Chris, how do you feel about homosexuality? That Joy Pettybon is such a bitch.”_

_Christopher shrugged, “Well if you’re gay, you’re gay.”_

_Nick pursed his lips and nodded, humming ‘Jennifer Sometimes’ to himself._

He supposed that’s where the jealousy came into place. Jennifer? That wasn’t even Emma’s real name! It had to be about her, they didn’t know anyone else called Jennifer. The lyrics didn’t apply to her either. 

Christopher stayed awake for a very long time until exhaustion overtook him and he decided to get some sleep. He’d check on Nick first thing in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Leave a kudos and comment if you liked it <3
> 
> Chapter 3 of 'the metamorphosis' is coming soon so keep an eye out for it!


	2. Chapter 2

“No...no...please. I don’t want to...please!”

“Shh, it’s alright Nick. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” Ken reassured him, cupping his face and looking at him. His brother’s eyes didn’t focus on anything and when they did, it was always something far away and distant. He’d end up screaming and sobbing afterwards.

Ken wondered what Nick saw, maybe it was all those things he used to go on about. Otherworldly forces and drivel like that. Ken didn’t believe any of it but a part of him always pondered about whether it could be true.

Upstairs, Christopher was just waking up. He hadn’t had a good night’s sleep and was plagued with nightmares about not being able to find Nick or just watching his best friend completely lose himself to the drugs.

He climbed out of bed, brushed his teeth and threw on whichever shirt that was closest to him and hurried down the stairs, skipping most of the steps.

“Morning Ken. How is he?” Christopher asked.

“Quieter. I’ve closed the curtains so that less light will come in. Mind taking over for a bit? I want a word with the girls.”

“No problem. You can take a break after this, I’ll take over and then get Lee to do his shift.”

Ken shook his hand and then pulled him into a hug, thanking him for all that he had done for Nick. Christopher smiled weakly. If he had done more, Nick wouldn’t have ended up like this. He knew the girls were in for a grilling by Ken but they deserved it. As much as he hated to say it, Nick was always a little unpredictable and they should have done more to watch over him.

“Hello Nick, I’m back again. I hope you’re feeling a little better.” He whispered, moving closer so that he could tenderly prop Nick’s head onto the newly fluffed pillows.

A muffled groan was his response and Nick started trembling again, hands scrabbling and his pupils were blown. He started a litany of pleas, begging an invisible person to leave him alone.

Christopher tried to soothe him and stroked his hair, murmuring supportive words to him but Nick’s panic only seemed to increase.

“No. Why are you doing this to me? Emma, please no!”

Christopher froze. Emma? Was this Emma’s doing? He held Nick’s hand tighter and listened closely to his friend as he spoke. This could be a potential piece of substantial evidence that would be crucial and so useful in discovering who dosed Nick and even point them in the direction of Barry Finch’s killer.

*

Nick was lounging in his little thinking spot, gazing up at the roof and thinking of Christopher. It was silly of him to do that. Chris would never consider him as a lover, Nick thought, he’s straight and I’m not.

He twirled a loose string between his fingers, staring idly at the murky waters and noticed the ripples that moved through the surface. Someone had come to interrupt his peace once again. It had barely been fifteen minutes since that officer had left. A decent bloke but could do well if he loosened up a little.

Infinite love. That’s what had slipped through his lips when Morse had asked him what he expected to find beyond the door. He had imagined so many scenarios where he confessed to Christopher and the other man would always tell him that he reciprocated the feelings. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t know that until he plucked up the courage and asked him but Nick was so sure his best friend would say no and reject him. It was a pity he didn’t know Christopher’s true feelings. 

He was snapped out of his reverie by Emma standing in front of him, hands on her hips with a plastic smile laced with irritation on her face.

“Hello? Are you listening to me?”

Nick sighed and took another sip of wine, turning away to face the lake before responding to her.

“You know this is my enchanted place. Why are you here? You should leave.”

Emma glared at him with barely suppressed rage but she forced another smile on her face, taking the pitcher of wine and pouring herself a glass. She sipped it calmly looking at him with a predatory gleam in her eyes.

“I know what you did with Barry and Pippa. I took photographs when all of you were asleep.”

Nick went rigid, he hated it when people talked about Barry. It was his fault he died.

“I believe I told you to leave.” He replied, chewing on his lip as he became more anxious. Before he knew it, the glass he was holding was empty.

“Can I get you a refill?”

He held out the glass and Emma filled it to the brim with plum coloured liquid. Because Nick was not watching her, Emma managed to slip an entire vial of LSD into the drink. She didn’t know how much was too much but she did know that the amount she gave him was enough to knock the common sense out of him for quite some time. If the effects were permanent then so be it. It was the price he had to pay for not loving her. She watched with a devilish satisfaction as Nick downed the glass in one go. Now all she had to do was wait.

“I want you to get out of here right now. Leave and don’t come back.”

Emma sat next to him, draping her arms around him as he remained motionless. She giggled, running her finger along his arm.

“Why? Because you don’t want the cops finding out that Barry was with you? Oh, Nick, you’re so blind. You see yet you don’t! Come with me.”

She stood up and grabbed his hand, pulling him along with her. He rolled his eyes, he’d play along for now but he wasn’t going to be bossed around by her. She was fun at first but eventually, she grew to be a burden and an annoyance. She was continually hanging around him, trying to get his attention and he was pretty sure he made it clear to her that he was not interested.

He got into the rowboat with her and she began paddling to God knows where. Nick was starting to feel a little lightheaded and he wondered if it was because of all the wine he had drunk. He was beginning to get more uncomfortable because Emma kept staring at him. Something wasn’t right.

She had been rowing for quite some time and it was silent. It wasn't a peaceful kind of silence but more of a foreshadowing, tense silence. Out of the blue, she spoke.

“I killed Barry,” She said casually.

“What?” Nick was horrified, he didn’t fully understand what she had just told him.

They reached one of the small islands and Emma got up, inviting him to do so as well. Nick was shocked, devastated and utterly confused. That’s all she had to say? Was this a joke? He refused to get out until she explained what she had done.

“I killed Barry. That’s all you need to know.”

“Why would you say something like that? You’re horrible,” He scowled, tears beginning to prick his eyes. With every passing moment, Nick was starting to feel more and more nauseous and he didn’t feel too good.

“I needed to get it off my chest, confession is good for the soul. And I thought I might as well tell you right now as it’s your last moments of sanity.”

Last moments of sanity? What on earth was she going on about? He stood up, ready to confront her but the second he did so, he stumbled, head spinning and vision blurred. Everything seemed to appear brighter, more colourful and he groaned. His head was pounding and he shut his eyes, heart rate rapidly increasing.

He felt Emma drag him out of the boat and chuck him onto the ground. She stood over him with a wicked grin and strolled away, humming quietly to herself. 

Just before she left, she said one last thing, “If I can’t have you, no one can.”

He tried to stand up but fell over again, he was certain she had spiked the wine. She did something to him! All he had to do now was to call for help, call for...

By that time, Nick had already succumbed to the effects of the drug, mindlessly wandering around and tripping over his own feet. It would be hours before someone started to look for him.

*

Christopher could do nothing but watch as his friend tossed and turned, sobbing to himself and begging for help. 

He shushed Nick as best he could, hoping the effects of the drug would wear off soon. Dr Bakshi had said it would usually last anywhere from 6 to 15 hours but judging by the amount Nick had taken, his mind may not recover fully.

Christopher clasped his hands and tried to push that idea out of his head. It was far too morbid and he didn’t want to believe it.

Suddenly, he realised that Nick had gone silent and stopped struggling. The other man’s head turned to face him and Christopher realised Nick’s eyes had focused on him.

He watched in anticipation and trepidation as Nick slowly turned his head to explore the room. His pretty blue eyes finally settled on Christopher and Nick’s grip tightened on his hand. The feeling he experienced when Nick spoke was indescribable. 

“Christopher.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Chapter 3 is coming up soon.
> 
> Do leave a comment if you've enjoyed it x


	3. Chapter 3

Christopher stared at him with a mixture of shock and pride and he leaned in closer, beaming when Nick didn’t flinch and stroked his forehead.

“Hello Nick, welcome back. How are you feeling?”

Christopher was so tempted to bombard Nick with his questions but he knew he had to take things slow and help Nick ease up and recover. He still looked very unwell and his body was still shaking but it was significantly less than before. Based on Dr Bakshi’s estimation on the time he was drugged, it had been about 14 hours or so and there could be an ‘afterglow’ of 6 hours. Christopher hoped that wouldn’t be the case. He had suffered enough.

Nick groaned and tried to sit up but Christopher placed a gentle hand on his shoulder and shook his head, encouraging him to lay down as he would leave for a moment to call the doctor.

“Please don’t leave me,” he begged. The look of utter fear in his eyes made Christopher’s heart break one more time but he had no choice. There was no one within earshot to call the doctor so he had to leave.

“I’ll be back, I promise.”

He sprinted out and saw Ken, who immediately rushed to him when he heard the news. It seemed that everyone wanted to see Nick, including the two police officers. 

Everyone except Christopher, Ken and Dr Bakshi stood at the entrance of the room, maintaining their distance from him so as not to scare him. The younger policeman, Morse, watched with a steely gaze and observed the reactions of everyone there. The only person who was missing was Emma.

Nick didn’t pay any attention to the other people in the room but gave his full attention to the doctor, doing his best to keep his gaze focused on him. He looked deathly pale and on the brink of passing out and Christopher twisted his rings in worry.

“His body appears to have relatively recovered, I will avoid giving him any medication for the shaking in case he has a bad reaction to it. I would like all of you to ensure that he receives plenty of fluids and it’d be preferable to stay in a dimly lit environment. If I could have a word with you, Christopher?”

Christopher stepped aside and listened to the doctor but his eyes were focused on Nick the whole time. 

“His mental wellbeing will not have fully recovered in this short period. I believe he still may be suffering from some mild psychosis. He may still experience flashbacks or recall the event so it is crucial for someone to be with him at all times. Hopefully, the psychosis will not be long-lasting. I will share this information with everyone else but the reason I am telling you this right now is that I think you should stay with him. He’s more relaxed around you.”

The doctor left and one by one, people began to follow. Soon, it was only Ken, Christopher and Morse left in the room. Morse looked like he had some pressing questions but he had asked the doctor if it was alright for him to do so and the answer was yes. As long as the questions didn’t require him to rack his brains, it should be fine.

Ken pulled Christopher aside once again and whispered to him, “Hey, I think it’s good if you spend time with Nick. He seems more responsive towards you and I find that a miraculous progression. Do it for me, yeah?”

“No worries, I’ve got this. Why don’t you get some extra sleep, I know you’ve been fretting over Nick this whole time.”

Ken beamed and strode off, looking happier than he ever did before. It was certainly time to celebrate.

Christopher took his seat next to Morse and nodded, giving the other man permission to begin his inquiries.

“Do you remember who dosed you? I know this is a traumatic memory but it would help in the investigation.”

Nick looked over at Christopher and he noticed that Nick’s hands had begun to shake even more violently, his cerulean irises flitting back and forth to Morse and himself with anxiety. Christopher reached out and sat next to Nick who immediately leaned towards him and that was a comforting feeling.

“It was her, it was her all along. I can’t believe I didn’t notice her strange actions before, I’m such a careless fool and now there’s blood on my hands and I can’t do anything about it,” he stammered.

Thankfully, Morse didn’t look annoyed by the vague answer but instead provided more information.

“Barry had a bad reaction to the drugs he had taken,” he looked up at Christopher nervously but continued, “During your...party. It wasn’t your fault, believe me. I have my suspicions but I need you to confirm them for me.”

If Nick was not so flushed from the fever, he could have gone even redder. Christopher had no idea what he was talking about but whatever it was, it was Nick’s business and he had no right to judge him.

“Who was it, Nick?”

“It was Emma,” Nick whispered, looking incredibly frightened and he sounded so broken and defeated. “She was the one who drugged me but please don’t tell her I told you! She’ll be back once she realises I’m not dead, she’ll be back for me and this time I’m not going to make it. She’s going to kill me for this.”

Nick turned away from Morse and wiped away the tears that had trickled down his cheeks. Morse stood up and gave a small nod of acknowledgement and went off, most likely looking for Emma. He was indeed a socially awkward man.

Christopher could not say he was not surprised. He knew Emma had always been a little obsessive but to go to the point where she would attempt to kill someone? That was insane. To an outsider, the terror on Nick’s face would have been laughed at because Emma was supposedly the sweetest, kindest of them all. At least they knew the truth about her now.

He watched as Morse ran outside and spoke to everyone else and immediately they scattered, hunting for Emma which meant that he was going to be alone with Nick for some time.

He turned back to face Nick and the poor man looked so broken. He decided to lighten the mood and playfully signalled for Nick to move over so he could sit next to him. He lay down on the couch on his back and then tilted his head to look at Nick. He smiled and spoke.

“It’s good to have you back, I was so worried about you.”

“Were you? I figured you would be glad if I lost my mind and frankly, I feel like dogshit. I have a raging headache and I’m still shaking. Fuck…”

“Well, I’m happy to have you back. It’s been a wild ride for all of us, especially you. To be honest, I missed you.”

Nick smiled weakly and sat up, crossing his arms as he did so. “I was sleeping with Pippa and Barry. But I love someone, truly love them, and I don’t know how to express it.” When he spoke it was still slurred so Christopher had to pay close attention to him.

“That’s alright, I’m not going to judge you for that. And I don’t know either, Nick, I can hardly confess my feelings either.”

He placed his hands on top of Nick’s and grinned supportively. The other man breathed in deeply and locked eyes with him, blurting out a confession that Christopher didn’t expect but in his heart wanted to hear.

“I love you, Chris. I always have. Jennifer Sometimes is about you, I want my whole life to revolve around you but that’s only if you feel the same about me. Who’d want to care for a mentally ill person? I know I’m not well, you don’t have to tell me. Just reject me now so we can get it done and over with.”

Christopher shook his head and held Nick’s face in his hands, feeling the scant stubble on his cheeks and the warmth of his skin.

“I love you, Nick. And no, I want to spend my life with you, no matter the troubles we face or the mountains we have to climb. I’ll always, always be there for you.”

He pulled Nick into a kiss, moving passionately yet gently and tasting him. Sweet and musky with a hint of salt from his sweat and it was heavenly for Christopher. The man of his dreams was kissing him back. A content sigh escaped Nick once every few moments until a shrill scream startled them both.

Emma was in the hallway being held back by Morse and Ken. She looked feral and her manicured fingernails shot out to claw at the two men restraining her.

“No! Nick is mine! He’s mine, you can’t have him, let me go! No!” She shrieked, doing her best to free herself.

Nick tensed and instinctively flinched, heartbeat starting to race and tremors acting up again. Christopher kept him close in the tight embrace, easing him away from looking at her.

“Shh, it’s alright. I’m here.”

She was dragged off outside presumably into a police car and that was that. They had finally seen the last of Emma Carr. Morse raised his hand as a farewell through the window and climbed into the Jaguar, speeding off without hesitation.

Ken walked back in, pausing to glance at the pair before giving a look of approval. They would discuss future plans for the band once Nick had an opportunity to freshen up and get some real rest.

Nick appeared dizzy with happiness and grinned at Christopher, “I’ve got the fairytale ending I always wanted.”

“Absolutely,” Christopher chuckled, helping him up to his feet and guiding him to the bathroom.

“Christopher Sometimes, it has a better ring to it than Jennifer, doesn’t it?”

“It does. Indeed, it does.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this short fic! It's part of a series so do stay tuned when I post Part 2. Do comment if you liked the fic, I love reading them and it really boosts my mood!
> 
> The next thing I'll be working on is the metamorphosis so check that out if you want!


End file.
